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  • Writer's picturealexispjordan

I Can Accomplish Anything: A Dozen Lessons Learned to Finally Eliminate My Negative Self Talk

“It took me quite a long time to develop a voice, and now that I have it, I am not going to be silent…” - Madeleine Albright



Not now, and never again...

Will I silence myself for the sake of another...

Will I allow my worst thoughts to hinder my success...

Will I stand in the way of my progress toward peace of mind...


& What a season it’s been! So many years I’ve limited myself from truly making the life of my dreams happen, not because I was incapable, but because I couldn’t shake the voice in my head working against me. The days of self-doubt and fear of failure are long gone, and the lessons I’ve taken from these experiences has changed my life forever.

Over the last two years I’ve fed myself words of affirmation and encouraging mantras to remind myself of who I am, and Who’s I am.


Next time your mind combats your truth with lies and excuses, take these reminders from my journey into account. It gets easier the more you work toward your goal. Implementing these practices and repeating these mantras has allowed me to take up space in rooms I’ve never imagined, and I will never again allow the voice of the enemy to deter me from pursuing the life that is due to me, even if he uses my own voice…




I am allowed to be nice to me…






It took a year before I was comfortable launching this very issue. I knew the importance and significance of being in one of our darkest times in our history, that I needed that encouragement from the one voice I could never leave…


I am thankful I got to see this woman and her growth from one season, where she was coming back to herself with odds set against her, to then being freed of the notion that someone else would “come around” and one day save her: I had to learn that the only way to what I want, is to get in here and save myself. If I can’t encourage me the way I want others to encourage me, what am I really expecting to hear? I can take some care in the words I use with myself…


That punched me in my chest…



I am not afraid to do the work…



& I do not have to be afraid to do the work… It is never as scary as it seems from afar. I’ve gone Live on Instagram multiple times, which was the scariest thing to me. I’ve posted Reels which was a challenge and of course I felt like I was embarrassingly late to the party. But I wasn’t. I’m just particular. So it’s not that I’m afraid of getting to the work, it’s I’m afraid the direction I’m taking isn’t the best one. I get paralyzed by the fear that I’m making the incorrect decision, that it won’t be perceived well, when I have no track record of this happening. Sometimes I don’t get as many likes or comments as I would hope, but I can attribute that to the fact that I don’t post often. Things make sense when you let them, but you have to actually give them the opportunity to succeed before you immediately claim their failure. You have great ideas and you always get the satisfaction of seeing it shared, no matter who sees or doesn’t see. You’re doing this for you, whether you get the accolades or not, you aren’t doing it for the “fame”, you’re doing it for “change”…


If it doesn’t work out, I’ve learned from the process early on so my mistake isn’t as big as my impact will be…now and in the long term…


I am allowed to work through it, and take my time…take the pressure off.


OMG…that pressure on my chest…is it getting lighter? Is that the discomfort?


I am allowed to reassure myself…it is necessary…






Literally…


I of course value input and encouragement from others, but as long as I have myself, I know I’m good. I can always make reason with myself to change the way I’m speaking to her, with no contention or conflict necessary. I don’t have fear that I’ll be petty or inconsiderate of her, but I do fear that I may not have the right words for her at the time. & That is okay. She will allow you to work through it. No matter how bad it may get, you have to know that she has got you.


The best apology is changed behavior. The moment you give her grace and freedom to fail, I can assure you, she will not be upset with you for your mistakes, or hold your worst against you. You have power in how you speak to her, let it be lovingly…let it be with grace…You need her, and she needs you…


Eventually, once you edify her enough, you’ll see it comes second nature. Tell her, everything she needs to hear, often, until you believe the words yourself…


I feel that in my shoulders…


I am allowed to be proud of me…



Now. Right now… I look back on articles I’ve written, tweets I’ve posted, all within the last decade and every version of myself has been bomb. Vulnerable. Intuitive. Intelligent. How could I not believe in her? She was a force then and now with all of the knowledge and experience I have, she is only getting better. I’m proud of all she’s ventured through, all she’s grown from, all she’s escaped from…and delight in her tenacity. What a woman…can you believe she is me?


She is also you. You can’t see her because you’re in the thick of it. But once you get outside of yourself, your struggle, your disbelief, you’ll see that she was an incredible woman then, and you can applaud yourself to believe she’s only gone up from there.


Progression is gradual. As long as you have the want to be better, your future self will follow suit. Believe in her and trust in the you now to allow her the freedom to learn, to shine, and to improve one experience at a time.


She is Her…


Not me spreading my wings now…Oh, that does feel good…


Everything I want is on the way…




The reward is not only in the receipt, but in the journey to it. There is no need for jealousy, we’ve learned that what is for you, is for you, in His will, and in His time. When you look to your sisters or others who have the desires of your heart, you can recognize that it is only a matter of time, dependent on your work ethic, until it gets to you.

So get to it…if you really want it. There is no greater feeling than being inspired by another enough to go get it for yourself. So go get that. Go do that. Go be that…it’s already inside of you. It is already yours.


Believe in yourself. Trust in your abilities. You are on it. One day you will look back and admire the younger version of you on your journey.


Congratulations in advance, Beauty…


I feel…free…I…I think I got this…


I will support myself…




Support is a big deal…make sure you are doing so for yourself…


Friends, no matter how valuable in a season, are not the epitome of opinion. The public is not the Mecca of your esteem. Yourself, meaning your internal self, is the only human on earth who’s opinion matters. If you are presenting yourself in a way to fully promote yourself in your best light, be satisfied in that. If there are mistakes or missteps along the way, forgive that. Allow yourself to be the best version of yourself, even when you don’t feel quite like it’s the you that you can be “proud” of. Support yourself as if no one is watching. So when they begin to watch, or fail to watch, you have already established who you’re doing this for.


Eventually, your tribe will find you. If you don’t feel it from those who are closest to you, that is not an indication that you are not on the right path. Let people live with their own experiences, and make sure the focus is on being your best, so that the ones who will support without limits will feel comfort to do so freely. Be your authentic self, in support of her, until they can get to her. The love will come in due time, and they will make up for every family member, friend, partner or otherwise who has been distant along your journey. The support will be genuine, because you were genuine.


Your hardships are the moments that build the character. If you start out alone, you’re stronger than most. Keep going.


See now…that feels comforting…I got me…& Even when they got me…I still got me…


I deserve luxury…with no stipulations…



Whether in the form of self-care, whether a vacation, whether a nice night out or in, you deserve. We get so caught up in routine, and the costs of things, that we forget that there is luxury in the little things. Purchase those dozen roses from Trader Joes as a mid-week treat for yourself. Meditate or try a new fitness class (pilates has the girls in a chokehold). Take ten minutes to do the task you have had hanging over your head all month. Allow yourself to eat the chocolates and ice cream, guilt free. Watch that YouTube video that you know is going to eat you up, but get your life on the right track. Enjoy the things that fill you, and permit yourself to enjoy them wholly.


Do the work, when the work is required. Reward yourself when you’ve done the work. Allow yourself the time and the grace to just be. There is no fault in freeing your mind from the normal hustle and bustle of your routine. Enjoy the life you have, it is yours to live. Do so fully, Beauty.


& Just like that, she is freed. Unapologetically…


I am free to feel fear and pursue my dreams simultaneously…




Imposter syndrome has no place where you are about to go. You are that girl. If you know that you can be her, then you are already her. You just have work to do to get to her. So…get to work. There is no fear of firsts that can stand in the way of the woman you are becoming. The fear cannot scare her from being her best self. Don’t allow that fear to paralyze you from taking the steps. Building the wall brick by brick. Day by day. Moment by moment. Lesson by lesson. Eventually, you will look up and it will be a completely new and improved woman standing in the mirror in front of you. Your fear is not in who you will become, it is in staying the same…


So don’t allow her to let the only thing stand in her way be you. Get into agreement that you are her, and you are working to get to her. Take the time to study the craft, to familiarize yourself in the areas you want to thrive in, then work on that by any means necessary. Her arrival will not happen overnight, so relish in the fact that the more time you take to actually work for her, and not daydream about her, is progress made. You are capable, and then some. The fact that you want better for yourself, means you are ready. Take the first step, then the rest will follow.


She is waiting on you…


Well…this doesn’t seem so scary after all…


I will give myself grace…




Just as the Father does…


What is your plan for your life? What is your Divine Purpose? If you are intensely pulled toward a direction, whether a field, a location, or a task, how are you answering that calling? If you know what you’re supposed to do, what are you doing to get there? Don’t be so hard on yourself if you are disobedient, or fail along the way; the Father is forgiving, and wants you to find your way back to Him. Do so by understanding that there will be errors in your steps, and lessons learned as you navigate through your Purpose. Your responsibility is in listening to His direction, and following suit.


“Therefore judge nothing before the time, until the Lord come, who both will bring to light the hidden things of darkness, and will make manifest the counsels of the hearts and then shall every man have praise of God…” - 1 Corinthians 4:5


Praying and fasting have always been game changers. It may be necessary to prune those dead leaves in order to bare the fruit. Let go of the vices, the distractions, the things (and persons) you know you’re being told to let go of, and get to what you’re supposed to. Don’t be afraid to pray for consistency, or clear vision, and capacity to fulfill that calling. He’s got you.


When you are being called, you have to answer. Even in the things you’re afraid of, or don’t have the energy to do. The win is in the obedience, Beauty. To quote our fave Marianne Williamson, “You are a child of God. You playing small does not serve the world…”. We’re past small…


We’re looking at abundance… from His direction, through our effort, in His Divine timing…


Go get that…it is your birthright…


He is so good…I know failure isn’t in my trajectory…Fear has no place in where He is taking me…whew…



I am allowed to be empowered in my solitude…



& If I am on this journey alone, I will enjoy the peace…


Alone does not have to equate to being lonely. In some parts of the journey, being secluded may be a requirement. In starting a business I may not want the ideas of others to taint the vision God has instilled in me. In purchasing a home I may not need the opinions of others to deter what my heart is telling me “this is the one”. If I’m battling confidence, I may be better off without the pessimistic friends who don’t know how to pour into my purpose and can only encourage my petty.


The best way to make improvements in your life, is to do so by your strength and your decision alone.


This isn’t to say fellowship isn’t necessary. When you can live your life out loud with the full support systems to promote your growth and support your endeavors, you aren’t alone. But the reality is that you cannot improve your life by someone else’s actions, decisions, or want over your life. The choice to make your life match your vision is your own. & For those who do not support your vision to live your best self, they have to go.


Free looks good on her...

I will speak boldly, even if my voice shakes…




I will be be heard…


I love how facing our fears head on has the capability of empowering ourselves. As we’ve discussed previously, I have had a fear of going Live on Instagram for so long, that until I finally faced that fear, I doubted my abilities. One thing that has helped me tremendously in venturing into new territory, and muting the voice that is self-doubt, is to look the part.

Whether for personal or professional goals, when you feel your best, you will perform your best. Whatever will help you to feel your most confident, do that. For me, it is when my makeup is on point, and I wear lighter colors like white or cream blouses so that my skin glows. In both Bourgeois endeavors as well as my 9-5 presentations, when I have a bomb lip, I feel as though all eyes can be on me comfortably. I’ve been on a mission of all Black owned makeup brands, but whatever works best for you to shine, do that.


People give you much more attention when you give them something to look at. Make sure you like what you see before you worry about what they may see. It all comes down to you.


Once you face that fear, there will be nothing that can hold you back. Prove to yourself you can do it, and anything that comes after is cake.


You will be so proud of yourself when you prove you can face your fears. Get to it, Beauty…

Proud of her in advance...She did that...


I am just as valuable in my resting season as I am in my blooming season...




I am just as worthy and capable in any instance…

There are times for work, there are times for rest, and I will not bring myself down during either moment. I will free myself of the discouragement. I will let the downtime be what it is as I prepare for go time. & I will do so unapologetically.

When you ask for the Father to guide your steps, and you feel the pressures begin to build, you know this is your indication that it is time to move. Forward. On. Away. Through. Whatever the direction your heart is leading you, you will only be at war with yourself until you follow suit. When the direction is saying “I need to sit”, you need to sit. When you are being told, “I need to get on this project”, begin. You don’t have to get it all together at once, just start. When it is time to leave that step, because you can’t stay in one place too long, trust that your direction will be for your best. & Trust that the Divine Guidance will not steer you wrong.


The small changes are the ones that can prove to be the most impactful. Take heed to the guidance you are hearing in the back of your mind, and be proud of yourself for listening. Whether it is to work, to rest, to play, or to pray, get to it, Beauty. Everything it its time.


Anything new is scary until you push through it. Do it, so you can say “I did it”, whether in your work ethic, or your rest and recharge, allow yourself to be proud of you.

She made a way for herself...she made a way for us...



There is so much joy available to you when you allow it. I will always say, “You’ve got this, Beauty…”, now, it’s time for you to begin saying it to yourself…


& Repeating it until you believe it for yourself…


Believe in Her, Beauty, She needs you…


I'm proud of you...

Speak Freely…



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