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I Am Comfortable in My Solitude: A Solo Self Care Galentine's Bourgeois Night In w. Luxe Charcuterie

Updated: Jan 30, 2022

“Loneliness is the poverty of self; solitude is the richness of self…” - May Sarton

Photography by Debonair Visuals...

“I may be alone, but I’m not lonely…”

I used to say this to myself often after enduring an excruciating break up. I remember separating from who I thought was the love of my life and putting my entire life on hold to keep myself hostage in the house, self medicating, and allowing myself to be in some of the most dangerous situations simply because, after such a massive loss, I felt numb. Determined to have a less traumatic experience than the last, I knew I had to be the front-runner on this self-project of changing my mindset and reframing my thoughts to look to the positive, despite how my emotions were leading me.

I realize that not all separations are as traumatic as they may have been in my late teens/early 20’s, but even going through (several) breakups from long-term relationships well after, those conclusions to your shared story can hurt. And not only in the immediate aftermath. Triggers can follow, emotions can keep you captive, and rather than remaining in that cage, you have to set yourself free.

Healing has been the most influential, and beneficial, step that can be taken after any sort of trauma. Of course diving into the Word is the perfect first line of defense, and scheduling an appointment with your therapist is of the utmost importance, but your own steps and practices will make such a difference in your journey.

I recognize that a lot of Valentine’s day content is floating around, and for those who have it that this time of year is sour, it’s great to allow yourself to be sweet to you. Treat yourself. You deserve. Galentine’s does not only have to be for time to sip wine and kiki with with the girls, you can have an intentional, solo, Bourgeois, Galentine’s night in for one.

I kept the lewk for this self-care session very minimal but cute, with many twists on the classics.

With this being a treat for me by me, I wanted to go outside of the box and not play it so safe. I took the risks with this tablescape as a reminder that my imagination and creativity is a gift, and I should use it.

These lovely, textured-rimmed lavender charger plates were adorable. I absolutely love their doily-esque design and it is perfect for the soft, feminine vibes I was looking for. I topped these (I set the table for two even though this was just for one, it’s a habit) with my white, silver-rimmed salad plates, and paired these with my stainless steel flatware. Silver tones would keep it cool, while still setting a mood, and I’m glad I shied away from warm tones for this one.

I decided to keep the luxury I was looking for and paired these silver and lavender notes with crystal glassware for both my champagne flutes and my water glasses.

To keep with the color scheme, I added accent details with these white and silver rimmed dessert plates, where I placed our candy as well as some fruit. I utilized these crystal dessert plates to house these purple, lavender-scented tea lights, and the light bouncing off of and through crystal has been one of my absolute fave things to feature. A candle provided by Black-owned brand Pretty Honest Shop, in the scent “Night Violet” was the perfect addition with it’s white, iridescent vessel, and the violet scent

When I mentioned I utilized a twist to classics, rather than using vases for my florals, I cut the heads off of purple roses, and added them to my champagne coupes along with faux purple wildflowers. With these being clear glass with crystal accents along the stem, this was an effortless way to make the table such a statement.

Atop a frosted, octagonal shaped salad plate, I housed my beautiful centerpiece, which featured fresh florals, including purple roses, purple mum balls, white mums, and white carnations (all from Trader Joe’s), as well as the faux purple wild flowers. I placed these in this beautiful, crystal, whiskey decanter, and was absolutely pleased with how this twist to my drinkware could be featured. What a stunner !

I found these adorable purple napkins which I knew would go well with any purple tone I chose, and they were a nice change from the plain white linen-esque napkins. I placed these on top of a floral etched, clear glass salad plate to keep to the theme.

I utilized my faux florals, white hydrangea and purple wildflowers, for my “ice bucket”, which was housed in this beautiful garden-esque, galvanized planter.

In the planter ice-bucket, I featured a lovely “bubbly tasting” for one, with my favorite Black-owned wine brand, McBride Sisters’ Coastal Berry Wine Spritzer (8%, a mild, berry taste), and the lovely La Vostra Prosecco (11%, tart), and their Prosecco Rose’ (11.5%, smooth and citrusy). The three mini bottles allowed me to take my time without committing to one taste for the evening, and paired so well with the treats I’d set for myself.

I featured two Godiva truffles; their Strawberry Cheesecake Chocolate which served as the base of the floral decanter centerpiece, and their Birthday Cake White Chocolate. Both are decadent, and allowed me to explore multiple tastes

The most beautiful part of this tablescape for me was the incredible and immaculate charcuterie, courtesy of Luxe Charcuterie. This Delaware based brand (also featured in our Luxe Indoor Garden Brunch article) has done it again with a beautifully curated box full of cheese and fruit and all of the goodness you could dream of. She included this incredible blueberry, vanilla goat cheese that I cannot get over. Her quality in honey never ceases to amaze me, you can actually taste the difference in taste and depth from other honey’s I’ve had. The apricot jam was the perfect pairing to every cheese (my fave being the brie, but the bellavitano was a close second). Everything just as aesthetically pleasing as the night called for, I felt lavish with this beautiful feast for one all coming to me. I deserved to indulge. This board had me feeling nice.

If I’m doing a self-care, Bourgeois Night In for one, a good playlist is absolutely necessary. The candles and the tablescape do the job for the aesthetic, but it is not complete without the music to vibe out to. It’s always a moment with SZA, H.E.R., Jhene Aiko, Summer Walker, and of course, my fave, Teyana Taylor, but even adding some Erykah Badu, some Amy Winehouse, and some Internet is the perfect way to get in my zone. I intentionally featured Solange, who’s Cranes in the Sky tells such a beautiful story of a young woman trying to find herself and figure out how to get out of the current state of her own depression, and all of her attempts to do everything but face herself and get back to her. No matter how much working, shopping, drinking, or isolating herself, she recognized it wasn’t helping the looming discouragement of those “metal clouds” in the way of her view of the beautiful and inspiring sky. Although it is daunting, it is a fantastic story of her coming to the recognition of her funk, which is the first step to overcoming.

I’m continuously adding to this Smooth playlist, and if you have any recommendations for what to add for the vibe, feel free to send some songs my way !

They say to “keep your mind and body busy” with reason. The glow up isn’t to “get back” at anyone except for the woman you left behind after exiting that last situation. No matter the situation. Increase your knowledge, learn something new. That interest you’ve been thinking about, give it some time to actually dive into it. The projects you’ve been putting off because you “don’t have time”, make the time, put it on the schedule. Allow your time as an individual to blossom into the woman that you have wanted to be. And keep track of your progress to see how far you’ve come.

Journaling has been my solace for as long as I can remember. Often I enjoy going back in to see where my mindset once was and some of the moments that made me the woman I am. I can recount all of the steps it took me to get where I am today, and relish in the fact that it is all working out for my good, no matter how bad things look in the moment, better is on the way.

One practice I’ve been doing for a while now has been writing monthly affirmations. In my favorite notebook, I’ll fill the page with as many statements that can put me in the position to affirm and correct my negative self-talk, and when I’m faced with those thoughts that challenge what I know to be true, I recite them, sometimes in my head, sometimes out loud to myself, and the more I hear it, the more I believe it.

A few I’ve used have been:

“I am beautifully, fearfully, and wonderfully made in His image…”

“My voice is powerful; Someone needs and is waiting on my testimony…”

“I am valuable; My gifts need to be shared and will bless others in their journey…”

“My talents have been growing; What is normal for me will change the lives of others…”

“I am capable of consistently creating and producing quality work to completion…”

“My trust in God will allow me to trust those He has put in my life…”

“I am safe and protected…”

For the next week, say these seven mantras aloud, and as you find your mind wandering to the enemy’s lies, create your own mantras that will combat those lies with Truth. Say it on repeat to yourself until it becomes second nature. You will believe it soon enough, and those old lies will no longer hold power.

Of course you can read literature, Bible verses and Bible App Plans to continue to study and reassure yourself. My sister gifted me this book “Hugs for Women on the Go" and it is filled with scripture, poems, stories, and a ton of reassurance for the girls. Highly recommend as a soothing and easy read to get yourself back on track.

You have so much in store for yourself, and your self-doubt will be temporary as long as you put forth the effort to combat it. It is possible to be nice to you, and once you begin training your mind to shut down those thoughts as soon as they arise, you will see the victory.

As difficult of a transition, I learned to embrace my singleness rather than settling for anything less than what I wanted. I realized that something worth waiting for was on the way, so I had to prepare for the blessings I was expecting. I worked to heal so that upon receipt I would be the best version of myself and ready to indulge in happiness in all endeavors. It was in His time, but I'm so glad I waited instead of settled. I was right...

This is your season, even in isolation, Beauty. You’ve got this....

Act like you know…act like you know…

Remember, if you are in the tri-state area and interested in trying one of Siam’s immaculate charcuterie creations, feel free to contact her via Instagram, or purchase directly from her link. Be sure to use code “BL10” for 10% off your purchase <3


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